


Not just a kid

by AnotherBingeReader



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Avengers Family, Past Child Abuse, Peter has loads of trauma, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, bucky as peters parental figure, but also fluff, child soldier Peter, idk yet, lot of whump, we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28634814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherBingeReader/pseuds/AnotherBingeReader
Summary: Everything went according to plan, they infiltrated the base and he stuck to what he knew and took out some of the soldiers from the ground. It wasn't until he heard something from Stark that it changed."Uhm, so, Uhm, I found something" Stark's voice sounded unsure, confused.Avengers AU, Peter is captured by HYDRA and has been a child soldier for them ever since. The Avengers find him.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1// New beginnings (maybe)

He has known that he’s completely fucked up for a little while now. He knows that he’s not normal and he knows that he should feel bad about that, the problem is that he doesn't. I mean, can you blame him? I think that everybody who was forced to kill their first person when they were seven is not going to be okay, they have a good reason to be fucked up. And even though he’s a bit older now, at 13, he’s not nearly old enough to comprehend what has happened to him. He's not okay, he’s not okay with his situation, he’s not okay with not being able to decide anything for himself. But it's not like he’s got a choice. He can't just say “hey guys, I don’t like it here anymore, I’m going home now, byee!”. 

He can’t and believe me, he’s tried, there’s no way he can ever go out. He really tried but stopped doing that a long time ago now. It has only caused more hurt and pain, and honestly, it’s not worth it. Now, he listens, he follows orders, he keeps his head down and hopes for an end. The point is that there is no end. There is no situation in which he can leave, besides, it’s not like it’s going to be better if he leaves.

He doesn’t have a place to go if he does leave. He can’t just walk into the cold of the Siberian winter and hope not to freeze to death. That would just be stupid. He doesn’t remember much from the world outside, from before he was rescued. But he does know that the people outside are going to be worse than inside.

It doesn’t take a lot to break a child. Children don’t know what they are fighting for exactly, so if you don’t know why, why fight at all? The day he stopped fighting, was the day they stopped unnecessarily hurting him. Now it’s only when he does something wrong; when he doesn’t listen to them or abide by the rules. Besides, that is going better every day.

He remembers his first few days in the base only faintly, he does remember Papa.

“Hey, little Pauk. (spider in Russian) I know you don't like me right now. But one day you will understand. One day you will get why it has to be this way.”

He didn't understand Papa back then, neither did he understand his own importance. He does now. He should always listen. He should always make sure to help the cause. To help Papa. He knew that Papa had only wanted to make him stronger.

Every single time he was sent to kill a bad guy. Papa never explained why they were exactly bad, but he learned not to ask questions. Papa did seem serious with one of Pauk’s first missions that he did on his own when Papa knelt to his level and said: “This man has destroyed a lot, he needs to die or he will destroy more of what is ours”. After that, he continued to say something in Russian but the then eight-year-old boy was not fluent yet, so he didn’t understand or remember what was being said.

Despite killing people, which is necessary but absolutely not the boy’s favourite past-time, he does enjoy going on missions. He gets to see something of the world. He can look out of the window of the plane or car and imagine what it would be like to actually live out there. With people that are not soldiers, to have a normal life. He pushes this out of his thoughts the second he re-enters the base, he’s not allowed to be homesick, there is no home to go to, this is his home now.

He has his very own room, he didn't always but now he’s old enough. Papa told him that it was his reward for a very successful mission. Pauk was so grateful.

Missions used to be better when he was not alone. But since what feels like forever, all his missions are alone. He used to have company when the mission was complicated. Those were the best, not because his companion was such a talkative or fun companion but because he gave the boy the impression that he wasn’t alone. Pauk doesn’t think he thought the same thing about him though, his companion was probably annoyed with him and that’s why he’s gone now.

Pauk is not allowed to talk about him, actually, he’s not really allowed to talk at all. He is under strict instructions to only ‘speak when spoken to’. Not all his guards are very strict about that one though, he thinks some of them took pity on him because he was so young when he came here. All of them are still following the ‘no questions’ rule though, that is one that can’t ever be broken. 

A lot of bad things seem to happen because of Pauk, his companion is only the last in the line of people who are now gone because of him. He doesn’t remember his mom, he was told that she died giving birth to him. His aunt told him that, but at the same time, he doesn't really remember her, only having to shoot her. He doesn't really remember his uncle either, only the way his blood seeped onto the ground. He remembers chaos, he remembers being scared, he remembers screams, he remembers the tears but mostly he remembers the cold.

Obviously, those weren’t good experiences, but something good also came out of it. He met Papa. Papa rescued him from his aunt and uncle after they stole Pauk from him. Papa was the first one to explain things to him, not just things, everything. Papa explained the world. He talked about all the good, all the bad and all of the evil. He talked about the mission of HYDRA and how this one young boy would be the saviour. This boy would be the one to make the world right.

He’s not like other soldiers, he himself knows he can do things. He’s a lot stronger than most of the other soldiers, that doesn’t mean he can overpower them though, numbers matter too. They don’t have names, they go by ‘soldier’, every single one of them. They have the same uniform, they have the same haircuts and the same angry and aggressive faces. He’s different. They call him Pauk. He doesn’t wear the same uniform, his’ is black while they have a white camouflage. He does, however, have the same haircut, a buzzcut.

He’s honestly not mad about his name, it’s a pretty cool name if you ask him. ‘Pauk’, it has something strong and confident. It’s a strong contrast with him though, tiny and scrawny. They don’t feed him enough for him to build a lot of muscle, maybe for a normal boy, but as you might have noticed by now, he’s not normal.

The first few months he was here were the worst, they felt like years. Now, he’s gotten used to the way the base works. In the morning the lights go on, he gets up. When the lights go out in the evening, he goes to bed. In the hours in between that he has found ways to keep himself occupied, there is not much to do, besides his chores, they never gave him books or toys, most days, the chores that he has to do take up a good chunk of the day anyway, but after spending years in a room with nothing to do, you eventually come up with games. 

He was playing what he calls ‘how far I can roll this kind of coin-shaped rock before it falls over’ when an alarm went off. He immediately knew that it wasn’t a regular alarm, it wasn’t the *beeb beeb* kind, it was the *everybody needs to be on Red Alert NOW* it was the kind of alarm that was to be taken seriously.

The guards in front of his room stiffened, they clamped their rifles in their fists, knuckles turning white. This was new for him, this wasn’t a joke. This was scary. What if it was a relative of somebody he had killed, what if they wanted to come and get him, what if he would be kidnapped? That wasn’t a good thought, it would probably be much worse than here. 

One of the guards reached up to his ear, where an earpiece lay that he had tucked in tightly that morning. He looked over to the other guard, nodded and walked away. He did not get far, the guard let out a small yelp and fell with a loud thump. The second guard ran to the rescue but was also no match for his opponent. Footsteps approached. A figure appeared in front of the door, only seen through the barbed window, the figure mumbled something before ripping the door out of the hinges. A tall red and gold machine stood in the new opening. 

He was terrified, standing with his back against the wall. Unsure of what he was supposed to do, but sure he wasn't a match for a robot. Instead of thinking any longer, his training took over. Normal people have the choice to fight, flight or fight, the only option for him was to fight. He leapt forward, trying to knock over his opponent, but without much success. Instead, they caught him, and after a slight sting and the whole world went dark.

Dreams are weird, they always make sense when you are actually dreaming, but looking back they never do. This time the dreams were not about something coherent, he didn't dream about his past missions, or about the training he had done before. He did dream though, there was a snake, hissing. It was one of the big ones, only it wasn’t normal, there was something wrong with it but Pauk couldn’t quite put his finger on it, maybe it had something to do with the snake being rainbow colours but he couldn't be certain. It curled up and looked angry. The snake raised its head, opened his mouth, the sharp fangs very visible, hissed and attacked. Next was black, nothing, a void. There in the distance he could make something out, words, maybe, it sounded familiar in a way, but he didn’t know how “It’s their fault Pauk, you know that. All of it. There is no other way” a scream sounded, then, a loud BANG.

The comfort he was in when he woke up was weird. He was warm, did he die? Did that stupid robot kill him? He tried to move, but couldn’t. A flash of memories flooded over him, memories of being constrained to a table, pain and misery, people looking down on him, doctors poking. His eyes flew open, what greeted him wasn't doctors or pain. It was something unsuspected. It was the eyes he was once sure he was never going to see again. His companion. 

“Peter?” He talked, the boy had never heard him talk before.

Pauk went rigid, in complete overdrive. His companion couldn’t be here. They told him he died. They told him he failed the mission. They told him, they told him, they told. He heard a beep speed up, he heard his breathing, fast, he heard everything. What was happening to him?

He felt an arm touch his shoulder and jerked violently to get away, snapping his left restraint in the process. He heard a voice, maybe it was telling him to calm down, maybe it was just shouting at him. He couldn't tell the difference.

He felt strong arms wrap around him. Too strong for him to escape, even though he tried. He felt his right restraint being loosened, both his feet too. The tight arms still around him. One of them cold, the other warm, a strange contrast.

He heard a voice, just barely above a whisper in his ear “Peter, hey, bud, calm down okay?”

There were other voices in the room as well, sounding worried. But Pauk couldn’t focus on one for long enough to make out what was being said.

Miraculously, he calmed down enough to open his eyes. A room, white, like a hospital, only with art on the walls, not empty like at home greeted him. Two men stood in the room but at a good distance away, meaning on the other side of the fairly large room. 

He looked left, the same familiar eyes still staring at him. They looked worried, they looked hopeful. Everything about this was wrong. He never used to express emotion, he used to be strong.

“Aktiv”(Asset in Russian) the boy breathed. The man flinched a bit at the word but nodded, a small shy smile on his lips, obviously pleased the boy remembered and recognized him. 

“Yes, it’s me, I’m here, you’re safe” the words didn’t register, safe? How could Pauk be safe? he can’t be safe when he’s not at home. That’s everything but safe. Why would he say that?

Bucky Barnes was on a mission, it was just another mission to take out a Hydra base. They had been going on those types of missions for months now, nothing would be different this time. Except that it was, really different that is.

Everything went according to plan, they infiltrated the base and he stuck to what he knew and took out some of the soldiers from the ground. It wasn’t until he heard something from Stark that it changed.

“Uhm, so, Uhm, I found something” Starks voice sounded unsure, confused. 

“What is it Stark?”

“...A kid… I found a kid”


	2. Chapter 2// T is for Trauma

“...A kid… I found a kid”

“Where?”

“I’m bringing him to the quinjet now”

The moments after that were a blur of confusion and running. Bucky tried to go there as fast as he could, hoping, praying for what he thought would maybe be… Peter.

He rounded a corner and stepped into the quinjet. There, in Starks’s arms, a boy lay. He looked just as small and fragile as the last time Bucky saw him, a bit more than a year ago now. Maybe the boy had grown a bit in all that time but it was hard to see while he was being carried like a baby. 

His face looked gross, days-old dirt was framing his face. Beneath the dirt, some old-looking bruises were visible. His clothes looked The kid looked broken, his eyebrows creased even while asleep.

The recognition must have been visible on Bucky’s face because Stark opened his visor, looking confused.

“Wha..?” He started but stopped halfway through as if he changed his mind about what he wanted to say.

Bucky couldn’t bring himself to say anything, too scared that his voice might give out. He felt the guilt that he had been trying to shut down for the last year creep upon him. He had left the kid, he had known that the boy would still be here when he got out. Bucky didn't find him, he didn't even try. The boy must have had an awful time while Bucky was gone. They must have treated him even worse, blaming him for Bucky leaving. 

Bucky walked over to Peter, who was still being held by Stark. 

“Peter” He croaked

Starks’s face spoke for him, first shock, then uncertainty, and finally, just a look of general confusion. Bucky realised that he had a lot of explaining to do, but wanted to first see if Peter was okay. Physically, of course, mentally, not ready to deal with just yet.

“Is he okay?” He asked, staring at Peter’s face, afraid that the second he looked away, the boy would disappear, hoping that Stark would answer before he started asking his, no doubt, intensely long list of questions.

“He’s fine, just knocked out because of the sedative”

He looked at him questioning, “sedative, why?”

“Because he fucking attacked me that’s why” [que vine references] Stark suddenly looked angry, frustrated. “Also, I’m fine, thanks for asking”

Bucky chose to ignore the first statement. “The sedative is not going to keep him sleeping for very long, he’s enhanced” Even though he didn't know the full scale of the boy’s powers, he knew that it included fast healing. If that was anything close to what he and Steve have, it’s going to wear off very soon.

Stark’s face got even more confused but he did put Peter down on one of the benches and got him some more sedative. 

The rest of the group started to come in one by one, all of them were looking confused.   
It was Steve who was the first to say something

“Uhm, what is going on here? And, what… is that a kid?”

“Yes, but you’d have to ask RoboCop over there, he is the one acting all mysterious and shit”

“I’m going to explain okay? Just…” “I want to make sure he is alright first.”

“He’s going to be fine, it’s just a sedative but we’ll definitely do a full scan once we’re at the tower. Considering his bruises, there might be some other injuries. Although I don’t think that they are severe, considering he was mobile enough to attack me.”

“Now spill”

“I don’t know the whole story, honestly.” And that was the truth, he only knew what he knew from seeing the boy, and some stories around the base. But he was never out of the ice long enough to actually know a whole lot and he was still very much the winter soldier back then and didn’t really have the right state of mind at the time. He didn’t tell the rest of the avengers this though. Afraid that it would come over as an excuse, and he wasn’t going to make excuses. He was to be blamed for this.

“But yea, I knew him back then, back when I was still under HYDRA’s control.” Bucky took a deep breath, trying to ignore the horrid expressions on the faces of the other avengers. 

”This is Peter.” He began to explain, “I don’t know how he got to HYDRA in the first place, and I don't know his age or anything else about him. But I had to do several missions with him.”

“You would go on missions together with a kid?” Steve said while he looked absolutely disgusted by the thought of a kid having to do the same things as Bucky. The others had similar expressions, ranging from anger to a mix of sadness and worry.

“Yea.. I know it's horrible. I know that now.” He fell silent and felt all the eyes of the others on him, but he didn’t know what else to say and instead sat down next to Peter where Peter was lying on one of the benches, took the boys hand and stayed quiet for the rest of the flight back.

He knew that the others were probably full of questions and he heard them whispering concerning things. But he tried not to listen, he focused on Peter’s steady breathing and the sound of his heartbeat instead.

The scans they did at the tower were thorough. It took a while for Stark to come back from his lab with the results, but Bucky didn't leave the side of Peter’s hospital bed once, and he wouldn't while the boy was unconscious. Scared that Peter might wake up and there would be nobody to explain what was happening to him. The other Avengers left him and Steve alone in the hospital room but promised to return when Stark came back with the test results. Steve left briefly, only to come back with a couple of sandwiches in hand, one for himself and one for Bucky. Bucky knew that the other man wanted answers but since he didn't ask, he didn't answer them yet. When Stark did return, concern and anger were written all over his face. 

“Tell me Stark” The soldier ordered, not able to wait any longer.

“So, Uhm, the boy is physically fine, nothing that we can do for him medically” he paused for a while, unsure of how to continue “I did find something very concerning though. Uhm, besides that he is completely underfed, like 28% of the kid’s body is covered in scar tissue.” The man was hoping for a reaction but didn’t get one, so followed up with a pointed question. “Do you happen to know anything about that?” 

He stared angrily at Bucky. And he, in turn, didn’t object, knowing that he deserved it. He was the one that had left Peter there and he knew that he was treated badly. It was no excuse that he didn’t know to what extent. He should have figured it out.

“I… I knew some of it.” He sighed. There was no use denying it, he needed to be honest about this. One for his own conscience but also because the others deserved to know. “I wasn't in a state to do anything while I was still with HYDRA and after I regained all my memories I felt… I felt like I was too late to save him.” 

The room was silent for a while, everybody was still taking in the new information. It was Natasha who broke the silence.

“Maybe we should wake the kid up? See what he has to say?”

Yea, Uhm, yea, maybe” he didn’t actually want to face Peter yet, afraid of how broken the kid would be when he would wake up.

It was Starks idea to put him in restraints, saying “don’t want him attacking me again or break out or some shit”. Bucky argued this, but seeing that he was already at a disadvantage because of his involvement with the kid in the past, it didn’t do much good. 

Nobody expected the look in the boy’s eyes when he woke up, terrified like they were going to slaughter him right there, but looking back, they probably should have expected something like that.

When Peter had calmed down a bit, still in Buckys strong arms, Bucky decided that he should be the one to break the silence.

“Aktiv” He hadn’t heard that name in a long time, but it only made sense that that was the only name that peter knew, so he did all he could do and nodded.

“Yes, it’s me, I’m here, you’re safe” He wanted to let Peter know that he couldn't be hurt anymore, Bucky wouldn't let that happen.

“No” Peter answered in Russian, confusion in his eyes. “No, you’re dead. You left, you died. Am I dead” Peter said everything in such a rush that Bucky was barely able to register what he had just said, only able to answer with this own.

“No, Peter, I'm not, you’re not. Really.” I answered, in English, I knew he could speak it.

He saw in Peter’s eyes that it didn't click yet, he tried to elaborate.

“Believe me, Peter, I escaped, I ran away from HYDRA, I’m alive, you're alive, we got you out of there”

“Y-you got me out?” Peter looked almost hurt, betrayed.

“Yes, Peter” 

“Why would you do that to me?”


	3. Chapter 3// A whole lot of nope's

Bucky was confused for a second, did he hear that correctly?

“Are you, you, one of them now, one of the bad people? Did you kidnap me and take me to the bad people?”

“No, Peter, please” Bucky tried to explain, he tried to explain that Peter had it wrong, that he wasn't with the bad people, these aren't the bad people. The bad people were where he came from not where he was now. But Bucky didn't get the chance.

“Why do you keep calling me that?” He looked almost disgusted, “Peter, that's not my name”

“Peter, yes it is, I know you” Bucky grew even more confused, confused as to why the boy didn't know his own name, but mostly he felt concerned. Did HYDRA brainwash him? Did they put his head in the blender too?

“No, I’m not Peter!” Peter exclaimed, followed with a much quieter “I’m not, I’m not”

“You are Peter, I know because you told me once, do you remember?”

Peter was only mumbling now “No, I’m Pauk, I’m not Peter, I’m Pauk”

This was a sign for Bucky to continue, hoping to break through to Peter “Do you remember when you told me, Peter? We were on a mission, in France, it was warm”

The confusion was clear in Peter’s eyes, together with something else, recognition, maybe, but it was gone as soon as it came. Bucky felt some kind of hope, maybe Bucky could get him to remember.

So he continued. “It was too hot, we both wanted to cool down, but couldn't because of the mission, remember?” Peter stayed silent, he wasn't looking at Bucky anymore, instead focused on the others in the room, Steve and Stark. 

Bucky chose to further his story, hoping that Peter was still paying attention to his words “You told me you wanted ice cream.” 

He paused, hoping to see something, anything in the boy’s eyes, maybe there was something but it was too hard to recognise so once again he continued the story “You had seen a boy your age with it that same day and you thought it looked delicious.” 

“you told me you ate it once, a long time ago, but didn’t remember how it tasted” Peter was now looking at him again, but still didn’t say anything.

“You never got your ice cream, but you did give me your name: Peter”

After this, Peter grew quiet. He was still sitting in his bed and had his back against the corner of the wall, to get the furthest away from Bucky. His legs were drawn against his torso, making the boy appear even smaller than he was. He looked scared, confused.

Steve, the wonderful man that he is, was the first to say something after Bucky finished.

“Hello Peter, my name is Steve Rogers. I’m a friend of Bucky” There was no answer from the small boy across the room and Steve chose to continue. “Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?”

Of course, that’s smart, Bucky thought, the boy was obviously malnourished, starving. But Peter didn't answer, didn't move. Probably stunned or scared to say or do anything.

“Okay, you don't have to talk… Just, let me get you something” Steve left, taking Stark with him, leaving only Bucky to figure out what to do.

Peter’s eyes were darting between Stark and Bucky, he was still looking scared, terrified. But something had changed, there was something more in there, doubt.

Bucky was at a loss for words, he didn't really have a clue what the best way to was to handle this. To handle Peter. To make it better, make him better.

In Bucky’s eyes, you could see the pain, the pain of a life that he remembered but he was hoping to put past him. He feared to see the same pain in Peter when he would realise what he had done and that there would be nothing he could do to change what had happened. Bucky was dreading the moment, and even though he wanted Peter to realise that he was wrong, that HYDRA was wrong. He didn't want to see Peter's world shatter when he realises.

Steve came back a while later, holding a white bowl. He walked slowly, probably scared to startle Peter. But he was still sitting curled up at the head of the bed. Not moving a muscle. 

“Can I give this to you, Peter?” Steve asked with a soft voice.

Peter looked at Steve, trying to assess whether the man would be a threat or not, apparently, he decided the latter because a second later the boy nodded.

“It’s mac and cheese, do you know it?”

He shook his head slightly. 

Everybody in the room was silent while Pauk was eating, maybe mulling over everything that had happened, maybe thinking of something to say, or maybe just letting the boy enjoy his mac and cheese in peace.

Bucky only spoke when Peter was slowing down, he trying to eat more but unable to do so “You don't have to eat the whole thing, you know that right? If it’s too much right now, we can always make you some more later”

Peter looked at him in disbelief but put the bowl down on his lap a couple of seconds later. 

Sam appeared in the doorway, hopefully, to help them a bit with Peter, he had studied psychology right? Bucky thought so.

“Hello Peter, my name is Sam, I’m also a friend of Bucky. Can I come in?”

Peter nodded.

“Good, that’s great Peter”

Sam walked over to the side of the room and pulled up a chair. He was now at eye level with Peter, and with that, he looked a whole less threatening.

“So, I imagine you’re really confused right? By everything that is going on?”

Another nod.

“Okay, that's fine Peter, I totally understand that. Okay let’s begin at the basics, and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, okay? First, can you tell me your name?”

“My name is Pauk” He talked in English this time, something that gave Bucky a spark of hope, maybe that meant something good, but honestly Bucky didn’t want to hope for things like that.

“Okay, thank you for telling me. Bucky here, however, was under the impression that your name was Peter, do you know anything about that?”

Peter stayed silent, maybe he was mulling over his answer or he was just straight-up confused.

“You don't have to tell me that's fine. Let’s talk about something else. Where you’re from for example. Can you tell me where you are from?”

After a brief hesitation, Peter answered “I grew up at home. I have been there most of my life.”

“Okay, when you say ‘home’, what home are you talking about? Are you talking about where we found you?”

“Yes, my home, the base.” Peter looked like he already expected them to know this and was confused as to why they would ask if they already knew. They kidnapped him after all, right?

“Good, peter, really good. Now let’s talk about the other part, the parts of your life when you weren't at home, where were you then?”

“Sometimes on missions, but...” Peter hesitated for a moment before continuing. “before… with my aunt and uncle… but... I can’t… the rules…” he sighed, looking torn, before resolutely adding “I can't talk about them.”

“Why can’t you talk about them?”

“Rule number 5, don't talk about May and Ben. Rule number 7, don't talk about the dead apart from reports.” Peter said it in a monotone voice like he had to recite it every day, which was actually the case, but nobody knew that. He knew them all by heart, it was important to Papa. 

That stunned Sam for a moment.

“What happens when you don’t follow the rules?”

“I get punished, Papa decides what punishment, Rule number 11 and 12”

“Okay, okay… uhm… so, uhm'' Sam was trying to decide how to continue. How was he ever going to be able to convince this kid that what he had learned from his ‘Papa’ wasn’t the truth? “Bucky says, he knows you, do you know him?” Sam gestured to Bucky, hoping to spark some memories.

“Yes, but he is called Activ” Peter corrected him.

“You know him as Activ? That is interesting because you know, we know him as Bucky, that is his name. I believe that Activ is one of the names that HYDRA gave him.”

The confusion was clear on Peter’s face, why would HYDRA do that?

“His name is Bucky. When he was born, he was given that name” Sam was going to ignore that that was technically a lie, his parents named him James, not Bucky. But he had the feeling he was finally getting somewhere so he continued. “Do you remember the name you were given when you were born”

“...Peter” It just slipped out, he didn’t really think about the answer. Peter? Was he actually named Peter?

“Yes, that’s right, Peter. That is why we know you as Peter. Not as Pauk.”

Of course, Sam mispronounced it completely, but that wasn’t something Peter was going to tell the man. Besides, he was far too focused on the things Sam was saying to do so. He had never doubted before. He had never doubted the things Papa told him, and why would he, it was Papa. Papa would never lie to him. But would he? Why was his name Peter? Why did he remember that name, if it wasn't his actual name? He didn't know, but not knowing was something he had grown used to over the years. He did not ask. 

While this was happening, Tony and the rest of the Avengers were downstairs. They had debated for quite a bit over what to do with the kid. In the end, it only ended in fighting and no solution. Only opting to wait it out and see if Sam has anything to say about the matter after talking to the kid.

Now, Tony was just busy hacking into SHIELD and HYDRA, trying to find any information on Peter. So far it has been very unsuccessful. SHIELD was not necessarily hard to hack into, but they hardly had anything on the kid. Just the fact that he and his aunt and uncle vanished 7 years ago, nothing had been heard about them since. Even though Tony hated to admit it, HYDRA was very hard to hack into. They took their security very seriously and every time Tony had the idea he had a breakthrough, it would just be another door that leads to an impenetrable brick wall.

He was growing increasingly frustrated when he finally found something. A small sliver of the program trying to fight him off and get away from him. But he was too fast and caught it. It unlocked a whole lot. Not everything, Tony figured they might be keeping lots of things on different servers, but he found enough.

He searched for ‘Peter Parker’. Not much came up, but in one of the other documents somebody named ‘Pauk’ was mentioned, so he decided to look for something to do with that instead.

A fuckton of files came in at once. Like a lot of files, like, even FRIDAY had to take a couple of seconds to load all of them. And that said a lot.

“What the actual fuck” Tony said, just above a whisper.

What he was seeing was insane, all of them were reports, going back years. But they were not just reporting about missions. They were reports on somebody going to training, on somebody eating their veggies without sulking, about somebody making improvements in their reading, in their Russian.

It didn't take long for Tony to make the connection, Peter was Pauk. They had given him a different name and they had raised him as a soldier. No wonder the kid was freaking out when he woke up. Tony ought to go and take a look at the recordings later, now that the kid was talking to Sam. Might be helpful.

Now though, he was still invested in all the reports that kept popping up. He tried to go all the way to the beginning. Maybe then he could find out how the kid even ended up with HYDRA in the first place. Before he got there, he found a report titled ‘First Mission Successful’.

14 October 2010

‘Subject has been proven to be able to successfully complete a mission, the moderations after last time have proven to be helpful. No problems occurred during. Advisement is to move onto the next stage of training. ‘

This was horrible, so the kid had been going on missions since he was what, 10, 9 maybe? And even now, he’s definitely still very young, that’s disgusting. To even begin to imagine what this kid had been through… Tony’s months at the ten rings seemed bleak in comparison. Also, what did they mean with moderations? That seems just a tad concerning.

Before Tony could think more of it, his eyes fell upon something else, it looked like another report. But it pre-dated all of the others. ‘Capture successful, January 23 2008’ That must be when Peter was first brought in. Tony did the math, the kid must have been six or seven. This means that he had most definitely spent the bigger portion of his life in HYDRA, under their control, doing their dirty work.

‘Subjects were successfully captured this morning at 07:47. Now at transport in separate cars, as discussed, to base. Estimated arrival time January 24, 03:15.’

That’s all it said, nothing more. The thing that worried Tony most though, besides the fact that Peter had been with HYDRA for the past 7 years, was that it said subjects. Not subject. Were there more of Peter? More mini assassination machines?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, let's just hope it's gonna be a little less depressing soon but I can't promise anything... Hope you liked it! Please leave a comment for feedback! Thanks!!


	4. Chapter 4// Maybe there's some hope?

Chapter 4

Back in the hospital wing, things had settled down a bit. Steve had at one point suggested that Peter should get some sleep but the teenager had stubbornly refused. Now he was still sitting in the corner of his bed. Desperately trying to keep his eyes open. All of the exhaustion of new impressions, of getting knocked out, were catching upon him.

Normally he would have a plan, a mission, a clear purpose. He had trouble deciding what to do. Nobody was giving him orders and that very much confused him. He didn't want to sleep tho. Knowing that he would be vulnerable. Knowing that if he did go to sleep, he would be exposing himself to dangers. Sleep is a hard thing to fight tho, an invisible enemy. An enemy that he wanted to win so bad. Eventually, it did. It took over, blissful sleep.

Bucky could hear Peter's heart rate slow down, his breathing even out and slip into sleep. He was relieved, this way Bucky could maybe process a bit of information. A bit of all that had just happened. He stood up from his chair as quietly as he could, and he knew he could be quiet. Steve stood up too, and even though he was a lot less graceful and silent with these kinds of things, he made an effort and managed to get up without using a sound.

Luckily Sam had already left and had told Peter to get some rest, that they would continue talking later.

Bucky and Steve walked to the kitchen silently. Leaving the door open, to make sure that Peter would know that he's not captured and can just leave, also because they didn't want to wake him.

When they arrived in the kitchen literally everybody was there, staring at them and willing them to explain with their intense stares. Leave it up to the avengers to stare somebody down, all of them had a knack for it.

Steve took the lead and started talking "So he obviously has a lot of problems, he's been with HYDRA for most of his life and they undoubtedly brainwashed him or something, they made him believe that his name is Pauk, not Peter. Maybe he now kinda realises that he's wrong but we don't know for sure."

"Makes sense with what I found" Tony interjected, "like zero files on a Peter Parker, but a shit ton on somebody named Pauk."

"What was on the files?" Steve said, hoping there might be something more concrete than what they had heard from Peter so far.

"Mostly mission reports and stuff, captured in 2008. And obviously been with HYDRA ever since. They had enough time to make the kid think everything they wanted. Also, fucking insane, but his first mission was in 2010."

"So only two years after his capture? Two years before he had his first mission?"

"Yup"

Natasha was looking horrified, maybe thinking back to her own days in the red room "How old would he have been? Like 8?"

"I think he looks older than 11," Clint noted.

"But he's so small"

"Well, he is very malnourished so that doesn't help him to look older," Bruce said, making everybody realise that they were talking about an actual kid. An actual living and breathing human who was just in the next room. Who was definitely not okay and would need a lot of help.

"Let's come up with a plan of action. We obviously don't want him to go back to HYDRA, we need to make sure of that. Should we let him stay here? At least until he feels better" Steve asked, pleasing Bucky with the fact that he, himself wouldn't have to ask. It's not like he's on the best terms with Stark and it is his tower after all.

"I'll probably be able to find his parents, he might be able to go back to them" Stark added "But in the meantime, there are some rooms left on our floor of the tower, he could sleep there"

"That might be the best idea now, yes." Sam said, with his psychologist expertise "We also need to make him feel at home here, that will definitely help his mentality, also make him realise that we're friendly and not hostile."

I'll talk to him more, do some therapy sessions. I would rather that he sees an actual therapist or something, but considering everything, we might want to wait a bit with that. At least until he's more comfortable around us."

"Sounds reasonable"

So that was that. It was settled. Peter was going to be staying in the tower. For the time being at least. Of course, they gravely underestimated how this was going to affect all of them. Not only as a group, but also individually. None of them, except for maybe Bucky, had ever expected to begin to care for the boy so much over the next couple of months. They never expected this, but it happened anyway.

Of course, it started with pity, pity for a boy who had been captured and broken by an evil organization. All of them could see this, but after a while, they could also see his personality, full of curiosity and wonder. Full of things that were so much a part of that it could never disappear, even after a lifetime of sorrow and hurt.

The first few days, Peter didn't say much. Only answered when people asked him things and even then, would make his answers short and to the point. Never adding things or talking for longer than a couple of seconds at a time.

By the third day, Peter still had not moved from his bed, only coming out to go to the bathroom, and only going when somebody said that he could. He had met everybody by this time, all of the avengers stepped by once or twice. Bucky hardly ever left, only sometimes to sleep himself. And only when he was forced by either Steve or Bruce to sleep in his bed, instead of his chair.

Tony and Bruce had brought some books for Peter to read. They felt sorry for him that he was too scared to move from the bed, so tried to help him feel less bored. The only books that were at the tower at that time were scientific journals, Tony wanted to order some actual books but he saw how much Peter was enjoying these so thought better of it. Peter had devoured every journal that they gave to him, reading them with such wonder in his eyes.

By the fourth day, Peter said his first words by himself. It wasn't much. Just the question of whether he was allowed to go to the bathroom. Bucky, who was in the room at the time, hadn't shown his surprise and reassured Peter that he was always allowed, and didn't have to ask.

This was the first improvement, the rest followed as if the barrier had been broken. On the fifth day, Bucky arrived at the room early in the morning to find Peter sitting in one of the chairs. Emerged in a medical journal. His head shot up at the sound of Bucky entering. He made a move to go back to the bed as fast as he could but thought better of it.

"Hey Pete, I see you're doing well today" it wasn't a question, and Peter still had trouble finding out whether those required a response, so he just nodded. It was the truth.

Today he had woken up and had immediately realised where he was, he didn't go through a moment of fear first when not recognizing his environment. He didn't first think he was in grave danger. He had woken up and was okay, he felt okay today.

"Good Peter" Bucky sat down in a chair on the other side of the room, pretty far away from Peter. He knew that that would keep things easier for Peter, it would make Bucky less of a threat. "Do you want to tell me about the journal you're reading?"

Peter knew by now that that meant that he had to explain, it wasn't a 'yes' or 'no' question like he originally thought. "It's uhm, it's about quantum mechanics." he then launched into a monologue about all the interesting things he had been learning about. He stuttered less while doing so, he talked without pausing every few seconds.

Bucky had noticed over this the last couple of days, how relaxed Peter would be while talking about science. So even though he didn't understand most of what Peter was saying, he was glad to have found a way that the kid was for once not overthinking everything he was saying. Peter would be busy explaining everything and forget about all that.

The thing that broke Bucky's heart every time though, was the way when Peter was done explaining how he would immediately go back to stuttering and fumbling. He would look guilty like he had done something wrong. Even though Bucky reassured him by saying "that's very interesting Peter, thank you for explaining."

At first, Peter had been reluctant to talk to Tony, but after three days of Tony talking science to the kid after Tony had found out the kid liked science, he hadn't been able to resist to comment. And after another three days, the two were having elaborate science-related conversations. Of course, Tony was the one talking mostly but Peter contributed his fair share. Sometimes Bruce joined in and explained all that he knew about gamma radiation to Peter, who clung to every word the man was saying.

Bucky could be jealous of this since he still wasn't able to actually hold a conversation with the kid, but he didn't. When Bucky walked into the room, Peter visibly relaxed. Opposed to the others, where he still flinched when they came too close.

Peter had a strange relationship with Natasha, who seemed to understand the kid to a whole other level. They had this silent communication going on where, to an outsider, even after just ten days, it looked like they could read each other's mind.

Sam kept stopping by every day, for the therapy sessions he was doing with Peter. Bucky was not allowed to attend but he knew it was helping, even though Peter looked absolutely exhausted for a while after every single one. He also looked a bit clearer, a bit more like the kid Bucky imagined Peter had been at some point, not a soldier, but a kid.

For the rest of them, it was different, nobody talked about what happened to Peter, scared to upset him. Also, that was what Sam was doing the therapy sessions for. Nobody mentioned that Tony hadn't found anything about Peter's parents, not even a trace of evidence that they even ever existed. Nothing.

This went well enough, most of the time of course. Other times Peter stayed in bed for hours on end. Not saying anything, not even answering questions. Just laying curled up in bed, shuddering.

At those times, Bucky often felt helpless to do anything. He didn't want to upset Peter further, what seemed to happen when Bucky approached him to try and comfort him. Judging by the quick inhale and a speeding heart rate. Instead, Bucky chose to sit in the room, sometimes completely in silence, other times while telling story's. Mostly about his youth with Steve, about all the mischief they got up to.

And it worked, most of the times. Peter would nod again, he would want to eat something again. And even though these things were rough, Bucky did see improvement every day.

That is how, after just over three weeks of living in the tower, Peter left his room for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was basically just a filler chapter to be able to get to the fun stuff, I hope you liked it anyway. It was a little less depressing as promised so there's that. By the way, I wrote this instead of studying for my finals so let's just hope I don't fuck up the exam even though there is a pretty big chance... anywaysss.Thanks to everybody who left a review on the last chapter! I hope you have a good day today and if you have a spare minute maybe leave a review to tell me what you think?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on this website, please let me know what you think!


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